Imagine a future office without a single person capable of a genuine smile or heartfelt empathy. Scary, isn't it? Unfortunately, many modern companies are unknowingly moving towards such a future by losing their most emotionally intelligent employees. This trend isn't just sad—it's dangerous for business.
Let's imagine that in every organization we have two types of employees: "Annas" and "Alexs".
Two Archetypes in Modern Organizations
Regardless of gender, almost every modern organization has these two types of employees:
"Annas" (primarily exhibiting histrionic traits):
- Vibrant and attention-grabbing
- Finds a unique approach to each employee, making people want to be around her
- Easily connects with everyone, from janitors to CEOs
- Creates a warm and supportive team atmosphere
"Alexs" (typical representatives of narcissistic traits):
- Ambitious and results-oriented
- Thinks strategically and sees the big picture
- Drives the company forward with constant goal-setting
Ideally, "Annas" and "Alexs" should complement each other. So why does conflict arise?
The Root of Conflict
Have you ever seen oil and water trying to mix? That's how the interaction between "Annas" and "Alexs" can look in the office. The root of the conflict lies in the fundamental difference in their personalities and ways of interacting with people.
1. Different communication styles:
Anna says: "Shall we discuss this over a cup of coffee?"
Alex hears: "Let's waste time."
Alex says: "We need to increase sales by 30%."
Anna hears: "People are just resources for achieving goals."
2. Alex's fear of Annas:
Anna possesses a superpower - she can weave a web of life, creating warm and heartfelt connections and influencing people through it. This ability is inaccessible to Alex.
3. Misunderstanding the value of "Annas" for business:
"Why do we need an employee who spends time chatting by the coffee machine?" - management thinks, not realizing that these conversations often reveal the company's true culture, not the one presented in slides.
What does Alex do if he doesn't accept this in his worldview? It's difficult for him to compete in human relations, so he tries to create an environment where only numbers and results are valued. He does everything to get rid of the internal competitor in the company. There can be many stories about how this happens, but the result is usually the same - Anna leaves.
What happens in the company?
In Alex's language:
1. Increased burnout rates
2. Decreased creativity and innovation
3. Deteriorating corporate culture
4. Loss of important client relationships
In Anna's language:
1. The company has lost an important part of its "heart" - people who can create genuine connections and inspire others.
2. The workspace becomes less vibrant and more mechanical.
3. The team loses its emotional compass, making it harder to navigate complex interpersonal dynamics.
4. The company's ability to adapt and respond to human-centric challenges diminishes.
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This example illustrates how narcissistic-histrionic dynamics develop within organizations and teams, and how much we can learn and change by understanding the psychodynamic approach.
Nancy McWilliams, a renowned psychoanalyst, argues that narcissists and histrionics often find themselves in a complex dance of attraction and repulsion. According to McWilliams, these personality types are drawn to each other because they each possess qualities the other lacks and desires. Narcissists admire the histrionic's ease with emotions and ability to connect, while histrionics are attracted to the narcissist's confidence and ambition.
However, this attraction can quickly turn to conflict. Narcissists may feel threatened by the histrionic's emotional power and ability to influence others, while histrionics may feel devalued by the narcissist's focus on achievement at the expense of relationships.
Understanding this dynamic is crucial for leaders. It's not about labeling employees, but rather recognizing these patterns and creating an environment that harnesses the strengths of both types while mitigating potential conflicts.
What leaders can do with this situation?
Apart from suggesting Alex seek therapy for narcissism (which might result in your immediate dismissal :))
Your approach depends on your role in the company and how you can influence Alex and Anna, but possible steps are:
1. The very first step is to see this dynamic and recurring patterns. Then you'll have access to work with it.
2. Start speaking to Alex in the language of values. Risk talking to him about what's truly important to you. At first, this will sound like gibberish to Alex, but gradually he'll start to hear you.
3. Notice and reflect on conflict situations, allowing Alex and Anna to speak their languages while serving as a translator. Teach them to speak, if not the same language, then a similar one. For example, suggest Alex say something like:
"We need to increase sales by 30%, but we should think about how to minimally impact the current team. I see they're already often staying late."
And Anna could say:
"Shall we discuss this over a cup of coffee? We can both energize ourselves and think about how we can get out of this situation in the most effective way."
4. Foster self-awareness: Encourage team members to understand their own personality styles and how they interact with others.
5. Promote complementary partnerships: Pair "Annas" and "Alexs" on projects where their combined strengths can shine.
6. Establish clear communication channels: Create structured opportunities for both task-oriented and relationship-oriented discussions.
7. Provide targeted development: Offer training to help "Annas" develop strategic thinking skills and "Alexs" enhance their emotional intelligence.
By applying these psychodynamic insights, leaders can transform potential conflicts into opportunities for growth and innovation. The key is to create a culture that values both the warm, connecting qualities of the "Annas" and the ambitious, goal-oriented approach of the "Alexs".
Remember, in the complex choreography of modern business, it takes both passion and precision to create a truly exceptional performance. By understanding and balancing these diverse personality types, you're not just avoiding conflict – you're orchestrating a symphony of success.
#EmotionalIntelligence #LeadershipDevelopment #TeamDynamics #PersonalityDiversity
